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對我而言,救命稻草,文字而已。幸與不幸,皆在其中。文字不會撒謊,撒謊的是人。善待文字,一如善待愛人,方可叩問它的紋理。當我懷疑自己,連文字也包括進去,然而文字是無辜的。有生之年,文字依然構成了身體的骨架,讓我柔和下來。文字有自己的麵包房,吸引著那些聞到香味的人。文字說,麵包會有的,我無需懷疑。文字屬於那些可以信賴的事物,很久以來,我們忽視它,對它的傷害也沒有停止。文字是那樣一種文字,萱草一樣的文字:「燕爾新婚,如兄如弟。」文字即真實。對文字的背叛,即對自身的背叛。對一個寫作者而言,寫才是最重要的,才氣等而次之,是副產品。文字的現實意義在於,讓遺忘不會那麼快的到來。藉由文字,人得以確認自身的位置。至少對我而言是這樣的。超現實一點說,文字和人一同構成了命運的雙螺旋。文字是血液的一部份,滌盪的是個人的悲喜。也許這個觀點有些極端,但我秉持這一點:文字到個人為止。我不能想像寫作首先要有一群假想的讀者。就如佩索阿所說,做個詩人在我便是毫無野心,其實又何必以詩人自居?詩歌永遠是飛來橫財。對文字的打磨一如對夜晚的打磨,長夜耗盡之時,可能會得一兩好句。這樣的努力是值得的。不背叛的文字,於是和不背叛的友情一樣,顯出它的可愛。對個體而言,最終的文字一定是墓碑上的文字,就像詩人喜歡寫墓誌銘一樣,與其說他們關心名聲,不如說至死也不想斷絕和文字的姻緣。文如其人,其人如文,才算得上誠實,對文字的僭越和誇大,必然意味著兩敗俱傷。卡爾維諾提文字的精准性,也是在強調,文字和寫作者之間的互相“誠實”,文字的多意如不能被寫作者識別并界定,讀者必然迷失其中。在我看來,衹有個體的文字,沒有代言的文字。衹是,大家已經被標語口號迷惑太久了,這也包括各位的孩子。言論自由既無,對文字的恪守就變成第一重要的事。


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白紙黑字,映照著雪。雪地裏,小孩子第一次喊出了媽媽。萬樣靜寂,千山祝福的一刻,生命的喜悅衝破不幸的枷鎖。此生的別離隔不開他生的相守。千年以後,雪花將是最後的花朵。


而今生,今生抓住的是酒,是酒後狂言,是嘔乾苦水。酒在瓶中,醉倒自己。酒在酒中,煮沸青梅。酒在淚中,歌癲字狂。酒在血中,燒出骨灰。縱使戒掉了酒,也戒不掉義氣的友人呀,豪情的盡頭,早有大刑伺候。


斯世斯國,白酒泡著白髮,彷彿一個死囚傾訴無限心事。那些沒有愛完的人,寫完的詩,下完的雪,即使隔著死亡,也透過來不甘心,不安心。白髮在酒裏生長,分叉,讓熟悉的事物變得驚悚。


白酒泡著白髮,陳列案頭,邀請我們參觀自己的死亡。


2015.6.30上午,水南莊

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安東尼奧·波齊亞說:「有時候需要用一根火柴去點亮那些星星。」但也許,是那顆星星首先點亮了火柴,微弱之中,心懷喜悅,把文字釘進血液,又負痛而行。

 

寫一些關於文字本身的文字,像是這樣就可以找到久遠塵埃中的自己,死去活來的那個輪迴。

 

寫字的過程,有時像磨一把刀,楊佳的刀,夏俊峰的刀。猶記得夏俊峰被死刑時推友說的驚魂之語:「我心中的不快,需要一把快刀。」

 

今天是國際反酷刑日。多虧了這些勇士的堅持,我們苟且至今。

 

網上看到這樣一句話,有點像元曲,活潑的句式,透著心酸和自嘲,是你國人的真實寫照:「你的溫柔賢良總算成全了統治者的貪欲和極權。」

 

除了發出一點老鼠洞裏的聲響,往往還是自己嚇唬自己外,我實在也做不了什麼。但如果不是靠著文字的挽留,記憶將更快地逃遁無蹤。謝謝你,文朋字友。

 

把文字釘進血液,叮叮噹當的,就是餘生了。

 

2015.6.26下午,國際反酷刑日,水南莊