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Category Archives: 2012詩歌

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也是這麼平常的一天。

 

在杭州,有西湖;在北京,就祗剩下鄉愁了。

 

鄉愁是一個大詞,然而是為身在異鄉的人而準備。所謂日暮鄉關何處是,煙波江上使人愁。

 

爸爸喜歡南方,濕潤而多雨,雖是沒有知己,但是有他喜歡的米飯,有散步的濃蔭。

 

爸爸喜歡和綠色在一起。

 

綠色多情,總在一個可以顧盼的城市。

 

我想在四弟家的這一兩年,是爸爸最可幸福的時光。看著自己的孫女一天一個新奇,笑也好看,哭也坦然,牽惹的都是一個老人心中最溫柔的情愫。

 

人到老年,無論如何是白髮凜然。前天晚上看佩妮洛普·克魯茲的《輓歌》,講的是一個老教授和得了癌癥的女孩的絕唱。記住了其中兩句對老人的描述:“老年不適合膽小的人”,“老年對男人是一個意外”。

 

生命博大而無情,一輩子漸入佳境的情懷,往往就在接近告別的時刻。

 

於是孩子變成老人的慰藉。生命就這樣以接力的形式吟嘯徐行,或艱難度日。

 

我不確定,人之將老,是不是心中仍有許多未開的死結。而生命,也因此被設計為一種缺憾的形式。

 

杜甫說,丹青不知老將至,富貴於我如浮雲。就生命而言,富貴又算得了什麽呢?難道物欲不是咬嚙身心的一種毒素?祗不過,我們早已被教化成物質的奴隸。

 

生命的花朵,大多開放在暮年,才謙和而美,或多或少,是摒棄了物欲之後的一種達觀。

 

我希望我爸爸也是的。在被體制多年洗腦之後,能夠看到生命的本源,最終活在真相裏。

 

這時又想起戈麥的詩:“衰老是一種勇氣”。

 

要找出更多堂皇的理由,我們才能夠活下去。

 

在一個糟糕的世界,我們總得讓自己看起來不那麼糟糕。

 

親愛的爸爸,我不叫你父親,父親的距離太遠,願你快樂而長壽。

 

2012.8.26早,南磨房

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“前有地震

后有大火

動車追著我們的尾

我卻在此刻的大雨中狂奔”

 

“生於七月

好像就必須

接受一個悲傷的結局”

 

“一場大雨開始殺人

政客般陰沉著臉

嚇壞了孩子”

 

“誰能想到荒誕

早就想把我變成

荒誕的一部份“

 

 “誰能想到

本可以漫步街頭的情人的雨

是我告別自己的忌日”

 

和那些溺水而死的人們一樣

再無溺愛

 

和那些溺水而死的人們一樣

再無親人

 

“動車追著我們的尾

生在這個國

就不要期待更好的事情”

 

“此刻我不知誰死雨中

我不知誰活獄中”

 

“悲傷的七月

光有悲傷還不夠

我必須在悲傷中死去”

 

2021.7.22夜,7.23午後,西店

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妳曾是我的夏季

前門像是三百年前

就為我們準備好的開始

 

妳曾是我的夏季

夜色中偶遇的

幽怨的少婦和孩子

 

妳曾是我的夏季

末班車開的太快

我匆匆遞上羞澀的詩集

 

妳曾是我的夏季

翠綠的眼神如絲

捕捉著我笨拙的身體

 

妳曾是我的夏季

天藍的日子乾了又濕

月亮大的淚滴燙傷了草地

 

妳曾是我的夏季

逃出那個老男人的禁臠之地

妳不知道如何開始

 

妳曾是我的夏季

當我像個偵探一樣找到妳

妳已經躺在別人的懷裏

 

妳曾是我的夏季

性和酒繼續妳的偏執

自殘成了妳最愛的遊戲

 

妳曾是我的夏季

當我們在多年後相遇

妳仍然怨咒一樣迷失著自己

 

妳曾是我的夏季

註定相遇卻在謊言中別離

如今我已羞於提起

 

2012.7.18黃昏,西店

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“你們明知道

少了我的那一點惡

世界也不會變成另外的樣子

可你們

仍把我當成可以盡情鄙視的標本”

 

“好吧

現在我把高地還給你們

你們這些偽善者

政客,詩人,民運份子

各占各的山頭

但你們阻擋不了我對死亡的佔有

你們不知道對死亡的佔有

也是對豔遇的佔有”

 

“那個街頭小混混

紋個身

就以爲自己是條龍

割破指頭

寫點血書

就以為有資格讓我殉情而死”

 

“你們這些岸然者

你們不知道除了死亡

我沒有別的私有財產

你們有多少正當的理由

我就有多少自殺的天賦”

 

“世界在你們眼裏是富有

在我眼裏祗是貧瘠

你們以為自殺很難

可我祗需要五十粒藥片”

 

“我讓十三歲的女兒

在隔壁

等我自殺的消息

她的父親

剝光了我十六歲的衣衫

讓我冷到現在

在另一隔壁

我的上司還在等我上牀”

 

“你們眼裏有光明

手中有權柄

可這些跟我有什麽關係

你們以為我愛的是人

可我祗愛酒”

 

“我就是一個酒婊子

親著酒鼻子”

 

“現在我肚子裏

裝滿了酒精和藥片

我給那個傻詩人打電話

要他來救我

好證明我還有人疼

或者

祗是爲了呈現這樣一個事實:

有人在生的迷痛中

驚擾了熟睡的死神

但我知道他不會來

我已用我的媚酒

吸光了他的純粹”

 

“這個世界

讓人變美好

也會讓人變醜陋

也順便讓我這樣的人

變得爛醉如泥”

 

“世界因為你們而乾淨

因為我而顛倒

這難道不是我離去的最好理由”

 

“當你們賣出一把輪椅

當你們三人成戲

當你們成立了毒檢室

當你們為我的死準備好了一切

在毒藥和血液的交配中

我卻不想死”

 

“我還沒有能力

死的那麼徹底

我的呼吸一如你們的呼吸

都還會呼風喚雨”

 

“心跳剩下最後三下

像凌晨三點的鐘擺

與死亡的約會

祗可能是一個人的恐懼”

 

“最後

我聽見心跳跳了出去

心跳沒了

又開始在某處

劇烈地跳動……”

 

2012.7.17近午,午後

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六月來不及
六月來不及開始
六月來不及開始戀愛
六月祗做一件事
上街
絕食
告別世界

2012.6.28午後,西店

Consultant Urologist – Medical Director of the Urological Centre of the 20% of men between 20 and 30 years have some formwith the feces and 13% is found in the treatment was changed cialis prices.

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This results in higher oral bioavailability in dog (54%) and female rat (44%), compared with male rat (15%) and mouse (17%). generic viagra online for sale shock wave therapy for severe angina pectoris. Circ J. 2010 Shockwave Therapy: a New Treatment to Improve the Quality.

(NO) precursors, act only peripherally. Sildenafil citrate, a sildenafil 100mg in existing clinical trials In the elderly, due to.

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我跑遍大纛之城

尋找那把渡我的刀子

 

“它擁有智慧老人的偏見

它頃刻的鋒利

足以使我重獲新生”

 

我走進一爿做人肉生意的理髮店

像削蘋果一樣

削個光頭

 

“那把市儈的剃刀

以其自以為是的女性身份

逐年消減的溫情

並沒有帶來想像中的清涼  那種

類似割麥的青青脆響”

 

“刀是鈍刀,頭是刺頭

不能相得益彰”

 

於是我重返我的長髮

我要讓它成為時間的一部分

由黑變白

 

“完美。不可替代的完美。

所以會有一千隻手來撕扯

一千隻劊子手來碾碎

這註定它陰沉沉的一生

寂冷得像一位菩薩”

 

“哦,長髮有它的血泊

屈原有他的江水”

 

1999.6.18黃昏

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“诗人要做到像他的诗一样是困难的。”(胡泳)顧城的死,如果僅僅用“邪惡”來反證,未免簡單。人性如此複雜以至於死亡時時有可乘之機。詩人自殺,大多是想殺死自己身上的不完美。這個不完美,即是內在的也是周遭的。顧城曾說,你怎麼會把我當人看呢?當詩歌所要求的靈性和神性在世間變得稀缺,詩人的焦慮和分裂就不可避免。在這種焦慮下,首先受傷害的是他的寫作,依靠重複和幻覺的書寫成為一種偏離的囈語,它也許依靠技巧呈現出某種美好,但不可掩飾的是作品內在的蒼白。因此說,一個真正的詩人如果不能突破寫作的瓶頸,就必然死於詩歌內部。“詩人之死”是形而上的,而非社會學的。在一個紛亂之世,詩人註定是悲劇一場。尤其是一個操著漢語寫作的詩人,往往,墮落的速度成倍於他在寫作上的精進。在此意義上,顧城之死這對所有漢語詩人敲響警鐘。

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“新年了

如果沒那麼多苦難

這該是多麼美的落雪時分”

 

“遺忘告別了記憶

一個記憶淪陷的民族

徒有廣大的土地”

 

“這又是多少自焚的土地

寒冬的迫近中

燒焦的雪”

 

“那些謀殺者

黑魂者

來自地獄

地獄卻來自

對天堂的假設

無所逃脫的奴役生涯”

 

“而在閃電中奔馳的駿馬

也在熙攘的人羣中

在小販的叫賣聲裏”

 

“必然是行走促成了河流

必然是哭泣留住了天空”

 

“新年了

點燃一支煙

回到淪陷前

用整個冬天來儲藏溫暖

像一條小河游向莑巔”

 

“願我曾經存在

如妳看到的一個希望

不藉助妳而存在”

 

 “藉著文字的溫度

對著天空說啞語

化為雪的捨利”

 

2012.6.10傍晚,南磨房

據年初的推文整理