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Monthly Archives: July 2011

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星期六, 二月 12th, 2011

早上,被小狗強吻了嘴,濕濕的,涼涼的。祂看著我囧的樣子,情緒很穩定。
上班路上看到推文,說埃及的獨裁者下臺滾蛋了。
路邊一個乾果店的海報上寫著:“兔年了,你還做烏龜嗎?”
又有推友說:“兵馬俑,兵馬俑,我是木乃伊,我這邊已經解放了,你哪邊怎樣?”
很多推友表示情緒不穩定,我也是。
看波士頓大圖,猶如史詩,始信人民創造歷史:

http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2011/02/egypt_the_wait.html?camp=misc:on:twit:rtbutton

埃及人民沒有人告訴我們怎麼做,只是做了自己份內的事:為了自由和獨立的人格而抗爭到底!
我知道我們還會沉默下去,直到爆發的時刻,我期待這一天早日到來。
我但願我們從點滴做起,在沉默中孕育更大的力量。

 

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“親愛的

提前三個月

妳來到預約的世界”

 

“一種提早呈現的美

讓妳純淨的

永遠像個孩子”

 

“警察在門外凍了一天

敲門要杯熱水

他看到妳和冉冉

還以為我有兩個孩子”

 

“膠帶封了窗子

警察無聊地鬥著地主

我在冥想一把空椅子”

 

“長時間的監視和軟禁後

拉開了小提琴一樣

清冽悠長的節日”

 

“然而大姐繼續被敏感著

警察國保都說煩了

說脫下那層皮

我們也都是老百姓”

 

“一瓶瀘州老窖走出派出所

清清白白地

期待著一飲而盡的豪情”

 

2010.12.26上午,南磨房

 

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“錢雲會村長

你收走了我寫給你的文字

我沒有給你燒燒紙

在一個荒唐的國

誰能瞑目地死去

在這個變幻著死法

像變換著魔術的國

以疊音的方式演繹了一個個

空蕩蕩的冤魂

他們生無所有

死時卑賤

讓活著的人羞愧地想到

死亡才是他們應得的新年禮物

我還記得古龍小說

他說晴冷的天氣

大街上的血乾的更快

我們見不得血

我們比遺忘更容易遺忘

我們吃著人血饅頭

僅僅把死亡當成了陌生的事物

活不夠就被死去

我們甚至沒有螻蟻偷生的權利

這是一個什麽樣的惡魔

讓更大的亂象起於萍末”

 

2011.1.10上午

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上午在牛博國際註冊了博客,寫了篇《碾》的文章,結果誤操作,發表出來只剩下了個題目。

懊惱之餘,我把它理解成天意:它被錢村長看到,收走了。

 

我不知道從什麽時候起,中國多了一種碾文化。

我不知道用推土機或工程車從一個活人身上壓過去,與魔術大師把暗箱裏的美人切成兩半,哪個更具震撼力。

我不能說錢村長一定是被謀殺的,否則我就是個誣告陷害罪,我擔當不起。和絕大多數黃種人一樣,我膽小怕事。

我只敢在詩裏說:“你不是死於謀殺/因為盛世沒有這種說法”。

 

在那篇消失的文章裏,我說,千百年來,這片土地見證了中國百姓太多的辛勞悲苦。血濃於水,這片土地就是我們的血與魂。黃是我們的底色,黃是我們的根,無論黃是善是惡,都是我們應該擔當的。天當被,地當床,我們披了一層黃色的皮囊,黃土地就是我們綿延不絕的愛與傷。

 

我多次跟朋友說,從小不在農村生活過,不算是一個完整的中國人。因為只有在田間地頭,聽到那些你聽不懂的方言,看到鬱鬱青青的稻苗和麥穗,你來知道自己的來處,才會忍不住自己的淚水,才會追問自己的淳樸去了哪裏。一個農耕的社會,爲什麽就不能保留一片古典的亮色,居住在祖祖輩輩的村莊裏,欣欣然建設屬於自己的家園呢?爲什麽我們只能做一個被階級和戶籍劃分的農民,而不能做一個像童話一樣快樂的農夫呢?

而以土地强徵和房屋強拆為特徵的農村城鎮化則是悲劇。本質上,它妄圖粗暴地切斷人和土地的天然臍帶。這種對土地的淩遲伴隨著一幕幕惡行和慘劇還在無盡頭地上演。

正是在這個意義上,我說錢雲會村長,是中國鄉村家園的守護者。

無論是生,是死,他都是我們最親的人。

 

他在天涯論壇裏擲地有聲的三個字“我負責”,與其說是對強權的挑戰,不如說是對家鄉故土的不死之愛。多年來支撐他堅強走在維權之路上的,也不止是爲了對鄉親們有一個交代。相比較錢村長的那份癡愛,我們只是多了一份久居城市的戾氣,少了一份親近泥土的淳樸厚道。

 

我還記得在文章中說,那個光著屁股奔跑在鄉間亂石子路上的孩子哪兒去了呢?還有一路追著他的同樣溫暖光滑的陽光?

還有誰記得我們從哪兒來的嗎?

小草從土裡面探出頭,遇到了清晨的小露珠。

 

我在詩裏說:“人心都是肉長的/都是從故鄉的泥土開始/奔流的河”。其實,我特別想把“奔流”換成“流浪”。因為我們已經流離失所,沒有了自己的土地和榮耀。留著,只是要給自己一個希望。

但願我們還記得自己的來處,就像記著胸口的與生俱來的胎記。

但願我們還記得錢村長,他在一個聖誕的早上,告別了親愛的家鄉。

 

2011.1.5黃昏

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也許我們都麻木了,才會對錢雲會先生的去世有著莫名的悲憤。

昨天看到照片時,還抱著一絲懷疑,還想著不至於有人敢在光天化日之下如此膽大妄為,即便無視法律,也還有一點基本的人性。

可是我錯了。

人性對有人性的人是有價值的。底線對有底線的人才稱其為底線。這個適用於全人類的基本法則,卻在錢雲會的事件上被踐踏得體無完膚。對著自己的同胞和同鄉舉起屠刀,這不是我能理解的可以歸為人類的“人”。

光天化日的謀殺,層層密謀之後的刻意,就是讓一個為民請命的好村長從這個地球上消失,這得需要多麽大的仇恨?

今天在天涯上呆了一天,不斷刷屏和保存跟帖,因為知道它們不會存留太久。但每每看到錢雲會村長被碾壓的照片,心中的痛是無言的。面對一個強權的國家,我們不但要擔心自己的生計,連回一個帖子都得擔心著會不會“跨省”,這是怎樣的河蟹剩世呢?

與錢雲會之死聯繫在一起的,是我們每一個人,是我們腳下的每一寸土地。不要把自己出賣,不要出賣自己的良心,自己的親朋,自己的一磚一瓦,因為這是我們的國與家,不容侵犯和踐踏。

也許我們軟弱和弱小,但我仍然想引用《網癮戰爭》裏說的:“豈因聲音弱小而不呐喊!”我們都是平民百姓普通網友,我們每天都爲了生計而疲勞奔波,我們盡我們所能為自己的靈魂找一個可以棲息的角落,不至於像我們看起來那樣庸俗和冷漠。我們祗想通過自己辛苦的勞動和思索,在這塊苦難的土地上聊以喘息和進步,保持一份自我和尊嚴。我們這點卑微的要求就不能見容於當權者,而最終要承受被趕盡殺絕的命運嗎?

不,那不是我所希望看到的,我不希望好人無好報,壞人得逍遙,我不希望公正被高懸於廟堂,邪惡橫行與世間。我不希望錢雲會死的不明不白,死後家屬還要被帶走,我不希望國內的媒體報導淺嘗輒止,對明顯的事實視而不見,我不希望謊言代替真理,殘暴代替慈悲。我不希望我們過度的沉默讓壞人有了繼續行兇的說辭。

對於錢雲會的死,我們都是罪人。因為他是為我們每一個人死去,一如耶穌當初的死。然而,我們還要在這個世間繼續沉淪而不悟,不能有更大的進步和抗爭。

哀我中華,亦自哀自嗟,終至羞愧難續,且把今天看到的帖子放在後面,亦希望發帖之人,不嫌棄并原諒我的唐突。我們一起送錢雲會先生最後一程。

2010.12.27夜


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無法形容這個陽光飽滿的早晨,滿地金黃的落葉在風中嬉戲的哀愁。

我想哭的淚水卻在遠方停留。

我想抽出滿身的骨頭交給你,交給某處的你。

何處清醒,何處安身。初冬,立冬。

火車穿過楊樹林。大雪緊緊珍藏在日戈瓦醫生的口袋裏。

西伯利亞,那些流放者的命運還在繼續流放。

 

此刻的北京卻是一座囚禁之城。

好人被軟禁家中。好人被押去了南方。好人被迫在網路噤聲。

天堂的隔壁是瘋狗院。瘋狗進城,徹夜狂吠,嚇到了孩子。

你是在不由分說之地。

你想像中的美好還在想像之中。

你想要的安寧還是一段音樂或詩句。

 

你看到自己上了歲數,長髮斑白,跟上了風霜雨雪蹣跚的節奏。

你看到你的暴怒到老也是一塊心病,讓自己一事無成。

你三十八歲前的沉默和你三十八歲的妥協,一樣的屈辱和苟安。

你從來不是一個鬥士,祗是語言迷宮裏最角落的蟲子,守著蛛網,風燭殘篇。

你看到路邊的人在燒紙,竟然以為那是為自己燒的。

過早到來的衰老和軟弱,也許正是他們希望的結果。

他們刪掉你手機裏的照片,封上你的嘴巴,以為這樣就可以控制一切。

 

一個銷贓滅跡的時代,讓你寫不出命運的紋路,也寫不出一個國家光明的前途。

你祗是深信,邪惡必不長久,奧斯維辛之後,依然有美麗的詩篇。

這樣一個立冬的節日,我們本該在一起火鍋,談天說地,過熱氣騰騰的日子。

我們本該為每一片落葉寫詩,告訴他們,冬天的犧牲會換來明媚的春日。

但願有一天你理解了這一點。每個時代都有自己的獻祭者。

我會這樣和你說,我喜歡劉曉波說的,生命不息,抗命不止。

我如此微薄,卻因為你的存在而強大了。

 

2010.11.7中午

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17號早上北京的氣溫突然降了下來,陰霾的天氣好像在鋪一條暖冬的路。

抱著一束玫瑰百合出門,花香沉浸在冷冽的空氣裏,似乎更加芬芳。

美好的心情,好像一朵花在約會另一朵花。祗是,有誰知道一束花的命運呢?

有誰在乎她們爲了彼此相遇,已經跋涉了千山萬水?

 

見不到敬重的人,我把花束放在門把上。

留了一張字條:“走失的花兒等待她的主人”。

然而,沒有人能預料一束花的命運。花束在陌生人手裏惶惑著。

到最後,我甚至不能保留一張她的照片。

 

一束花,無名的一束花,玫瑰和百合,爲什麽就被當成了毒奶粉?

詩人說,難道花朵有芬芳的罪,寶劍有鋒利的罪嗎?

一束花,玫瑰和百合,就那樣委屈地躲在角落裏,與我相對。

幾平米的小屋,沒有窗戶可以讓花兒與陽光為鄰。

 

我們的告別是在一張張陌生的面孔中。這巨大的花香也把這些陌生人包括了進來。

瞬間的一瞥,我不知她是否對我充滿了幽怨,也許她已經預感到自己將被遺棄的命運。

本來,在一個美麗的陽臺上,她會遇到自己的夥伴,她們會用純淨的花兒的語言交談。

生活的窗簾拉開了,我們看到窗臺上互相依偎的玫瑰百合,不再是一個幻像。

 

在相遇的渴望裏,花兒讓自己長出了刺,卻要時時刺痛自己。

我在想,在一個又一個鐵窗前,有沒有一朵不滴血的玫瑰?

到了夜晚,花瓶奇怪地碎了,是整晚魔鬼都在掐架,撞倒了她嗎?

花朵被消失了,面對夭折的花瓶,我該說些什麽呢?

 

2010.10.18上午

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