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寫給冉冉

親愛的兒子
你是磨我的那粒沙子
我們用吵架的方式
重蹈古老國家的禮儀
你叫一聲爸爸
就是劃亮一根火柴
溫暖總在疼痛之後到達
就像我喜歡的
硫磺味兒

親愛的兒子
我很愧疚老沖你發火
我很愧疚因為警察玩火
鄰居的孩子都不敢跟你玩了
在這個謊言之國
你不得不在一次次傷害中長大
抗爭或者妥協
我惟願你在生活中學會生活
在大聲罪裏
找到一個和你一樣
有著清澈酒窩的姑娘

親愛的兒子
我想讓你明白
我們活著
就是要燃燒而活
就是要活在心地光明裏
即使在一個飲鴆之國
也要擔起堅強的命運
直到有一天
我們回到火柴盒
回到一直缺席的安靜裏

2011.8.30早

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今天看到反抗軍拿下利比亞首都的黎波里的消息,想這長達五個月的鏖戰終於告一段落,自己又一直在關注這一大戰,時常還放個厥詞,現在不寫點兒什麼,實在是對不住自己的良心。

首先我想說,你可以不關注利比亞,但你不能說關注利比亞的人多管閒事,就像你有不為好人搖旗呐喊的權利,但你不能說搖旗呐喊的人是傻逼,因為從某種程度上,你不聲援,其實是在消極地支持壞人,我還說你傻逼。

言歸正傳。早晨蹲馬桶時候,看到有個人寫了條微博,悲痛曰:“卡紮菲的結局,讓我再次認識到了這個世界上沒有對錯,只有強弱!美國就知道欺淩弱小!卡紮菲你應該把油田炸掉!”
我沒回這條微博,倒不是我老了,淡定了,而是這條微博可以吐槽的地方實在太多了,我一時找不到該從哪兒下嘴——這句話可謂被洗腦者之思想的集大成之作,完美得令人感歎,能把洗他腦子的人感動得流淚。作為我們剖析的物件,實在是再也合適不過了。

首先他說“卡紮菲的結局,讓我再次認識到了這個世界上沒有對錯,只有強弱”。我想這是很多人的心聲——卡紮菲是被欺負的,北約是為了石油去打他的,但他最後輸了,於是世界上就沒有對錯了。
我 一直認為,人和狗不一樣,狗可以說叫就叫,人不行,你說話的時候,得先把情況瞭解清楚了再說,不然你就不是說人話,你是在狗吠——首先,卡紮菲搞了40年 獨裁統治,又在14年前搞了個阿布薩利姆慘案,一口氣殺了1200個政治犯,今年2月17號大遊行,他又出動飛機大炮屠殺平民。他都這德性了,你還在那扯 什麼對不對的,這個殺政治犯、思想員警滿街溜達、殺人跟殺雞一樣的政權,本質上就是違反人類共識的,本身就是扯淡的,還有什麼雞巴蛋子對不對的。
說到這裏,又有人要跳出來跟我扯那個內政論,說什麼“那是人家的內政,人家自己家的事,殺多少人你管得著嗎!”我說,你這不是內政論,你這是耍流氓。一家人怎麼了,你是他親爹,他是你親兒子,你殺了他,員警就不抓你了?你喊一句:“我生的兒子,我想殺就殺!”就完事了?你這到底是腦子燒了還是犯瘋狗病?每個國家有每個國家的情況,這是事實,但是人類社會也有一個共識——殺人就是錯的,殺人就是要償命,管你什麼雞巴內政。我們不是動物,動物還不吃同類呢。你幫大規模殺人犯說話,你這不是連豬狗都不如?

再 來看第二句,“美國就知道欺淩弱小”。這又是咱們前面說的——你不瞭解情況就說話,你那不叫說話,叫狗吠。美國欺淩弱小?說實話,我倒真希望他欺淩欺淩, 當年他欺淩朝鮮,保住了南部半島的自由;欺淩某軍,保住了一隻小島的自由;他要是欺淩欺淩卡紮菲,四個月前反抗軍就解放全境了,還用死這麼多人,讓他卡大 匪得瑟這麼些日子。
扯回話題。事實上,一直揍老卡的只有三股勢力——各地反抗軍主力、各地起義軍、還有北約的空軍力量。的確,如果沒有 NATO空軍的壓制,這場仗反抗軍不好打贏。但是只要你的智商還略高於黑猩猩,你就得明白一個白癡都明白的道理——要是光靠空軍就能幹贏戰爭,偉大祖國還 招個雞巴陸軍?美國打阿富汗還派個狗屎遊騎兵?打伊拉克還派個彈弓海軍陸戰隊?反抗軍死了成千上萬人打下的黎波里,你一句話“都是北約打的”就給人結了, 你還是人不?反抗軍都是些自殺嗜好狂?沒事往搶眼上跳著玩還是怎麼著?死那麼多人都是死著玩的?你怎麼不死個玩玩給我看看?
又有人要說了, 有本事自己打贏!靠外國列強算什麼好漢!靠,沒事少說風涼話,你丫叉的四十多年給人做牛做馬,榨幹了血讓他好吃好喝,他手裏又有槍又有炮的,你連個鏟子沒 有,他要殺你了,你拿鏟子能幹過他?沒人幫你你就讓他打死了,有人要幫你,你說該幫不該幫?什麼?你說不用別人幫?讓他打死你?行,你個格老子的跪貨,打 死你活該。不過人家利比亞人可不是跪貨,你想跪著可以,別看不慣別人站起來。
再 補個常識吧。北約支援反抗軍是經過聯合國1973號決議授權的,干涉個雞巴內政?估計你又得跳出來說了:“聯合國算個雞巴!”說這話,小心點兒,別誤傷 了,別忘了,你爺爺可也是聯合國五常裏頭的,這決議一出,他可是投了個棄權票。你丫不猛嗎,你怎麼不替你爺爺去投個反對票?你爺爺還背後給班加西送“人道 救援物資”呢!我就納悶了,卡紮菲不是正義的嗎,怎麼你的人道物資送他對頭手裏了?

順理成章說到下一句: “卡紮菲你應該把油田炸掉!”說這話的應該去當恐怖分子,為什麼不能讓你們這群恐怖分子有核彈?因為你們這些熊東西就是群瘋狗,自己不撐臺子,拿核彈、油 田當刀子,逼在自己老百姓脖子上喊:“你別過來,過來我殺了他!”些下賤的狗比玩意兒,能像個男人麼,老二讓狗吃了是吧。
罵完了回過頭講道 理。美國打伊拉克,前期干涉利比亞,究竟是不是為了石油?如果他是為了石油,為什麼現在在伊拉克,中石化、中石油的市場佔有額最高?我就納悶了!又不是你 中國推的薩達姆,怎麼就讓你把便宜撿去了呢!人家都笨就你個聰明蛋子?關於打伊拉克的石油目的,在這裏能說一篇日誌,建議你去看看財新網主編王爍的博文——《如果美國打利比亞是為了石油》。這 文章寫得深入淺出,看了你就明白,“列強打石油”這些個玩意兒,都是忽悠你個弱智的小老百姓的。簡單來說就一句話:打流氓,不是為了搶流氓的石油,而是防 止流氓獨佔石油發大財,外人想買買不上,老百姓就沾不上光,揍倒這丫的,大家公平做買賣。你中石油能搶,就讓你搶個痛快。

順 水推舟到下一個狗觀點:“北約打下利比亞,就會控制利比亞。”玩你爹的蛋去,知道什麼叫盟友嗎?美利堅控制韓國了嗎?控制日本了嗎?臺灣飄著星條旗嗎?伊 拉克立著布希相嗎?阿富汗人改穿西服了嗎?行,給你個面子,幫你說句話,你爺爺現在控制朝鮮了嗎?倒是你幹爺爺蘇聯最喜歡整這一套,幹下一個國家就換上它 的老旗,以示征服。還那句話,你是流氓,別覺得大夥都是流氓。

還 有人說,利比亞推了卡紮菲,會上來一萬個卡紮菲。因為靠暴力是實現不了民主的。行,後一句我贊成你,民主不是靠暴力建立的,但是拼命阻擋民主的力量是要靠 暴力幹倒的。比如你和一流氓面對面,你跟流氓說:這是我的東西,還給我。流氓不還,你再要,他拿出刀子朝你就捅,你說你能不能跟他談。聽到這兒又有人要說 了:“叫員警啊!”靠,叫什麼員警啊,國際社會哪有員警啊,美國想當員警你們這些地痞流氓就跟著屁股喊“干涉內政”,你丫還叫個雞巴員警啊。就一句話,在 國際社會,手持兇器的流氓必須用暴力推翻,才能讓他不再繼續耍流氓。你哭著喊著要搞非暴力不合作,你自己下地獄去當甘地吧。

又 有人要喊:“戰後的利比亞將會成為另一個伊拉克、阿富汗!”我就想問一句,你瞭解利比亞嗎,你以為人家一個個的都跟你似的大腦短路,分明是奴隸還有著統治 階級的思想,成天跪著還朝朝你抽鞭子的人歌功頌德?看見反抗軍一攻下的黎波里,多少人湧上大街慶祝嗎?看見卡紮菲部隊是怎麼兵敗如山倒的嗎?看見反抗軍的 主力都是些中產階級、城鎮居民了嗎?看見反對卡紮菲的人,都是些虔誠的穆斯林嗎?
中國人為什麼大多愛耍流氓?因為他們不信教,不知道什麼是對,什麼是錯,不知道奉獻,不知道畏懼。知道為什麼利比亞那麼多人反對卡紮菲嗎?因為利比亞是個純粹的伊斯蘭教國家,崇奉《古蘭經》,而古蘭經與聖經有一個同樣的規定:不准搞偶像崇拜,因為崇拜偶像會給那個偶像無限的權力,使他可以毫不費力將崇拜者變成工具使用。這有沒有道理,看看文革就知道。
沒有人敢預測未來,但是利比亞的未來可以預測——既然反抗者是知道自由為何物的醒民,而不是為了吃飯而打仗的愚民,而他們又有一部偉大的宗教典籍為他們明分善惡、制惡揚善,那麼利比亞必然不似數十年前的某國,從火坑裏跳出來,又跳進了糞坑裏。

對“反對暴力推翻卡紮菲”,一句話回答——兵乃兇器,聖人不得已而用之。
對“不能干涉他國內政”,一句話回答——犯民之自由者,雖遠必誅。
對所有為卡紮菲穿孝服的狗奴才,只有一句話對你們說:你自己跪著,別看不慣人家站起來。

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另一個好人跟著受審
好像株連的不是九族
是九州

一個火車
對另一個火車說
本是同軌生
相撞何太急

此刻鐵板的大地甚至不裂開

一個通脹的時代
沉默像提前到來的黑夜
良心的代價要用監獄來衡量

自春而鞦了
自由還在監聽裏
還在親人的白髮裏

堅硬的道路下面
幽禁著多少心房

撕成碎片的身體
還能不能飄下雪

滿嘴的酸澀
好像葡萄最好的結侷不是
等待親人的酒

2011.8.22

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生命是殘缺的,正如心靈可以豐盈。

一塊椰子糖充滿熱帶氣息,似乎可以夠得到海邊的女人。赤裸而修長,白的像沙子。在正午的陽光下,這個異國的年輕女子,她在沙灘椅上看一本什麽樣的書?這樣的定格並非意淫,而是距離之痛。你看到了在這個國家暫時無法達到的美景。你滿心絕望地看著,而美,就在咫尺之遙,就在這個叫“天涯海角”之地。你看著,卻無聲。美在吹拂,卻不能交談。美,祗在路上,等你,並且保持了必要的距離。在心靈的探險之路上,註定傷痕,註定缺憾,在長久的遺忘之後,被再次憶起。相見,卻不是相逢,你祗能遠遠地看著,就像看最美的海市蜃樓。你知道那是生活的自由之處,卻需要你一輩子的前行。海風徐徐,七色的海接近天堂,你就站在這天堂的邊上,滿身重負。在美景之中,卻不能成為美景的一部份。沒有比被美有意無意遺棄更壞的事情了。在一種極致的美好面前,該需要多麼博大的心胸,才能相逢於偶然之中,然而,更多的是錯過,仿佛命運有意為之。然而那些鮮活的,海妖一樣蔚藍的長髮仍在不老中,不變中,印證生命可以達到的極致。而詩人們學會了退卻。作為一個謙卑的觀察者,一個詩人註定要受到這樣一種折磨,在美的攫取中心力憔悴。而尤其是在美轉瞬即逝的瞬間,需要詩人伸出採摘之手,在深情的注視中完成一次告別,并重新上路。

拋開世俗的身份,在與美的相逢中,忘掉世界。在那樣一個時刻,你祗是天地之間的一塊石頭和沙礫,是在百億千萬劫之後的那份驚豔和驚喜。在與美的相逢中,忘掉暴政和不公,忘掉貧窮和淚水,祗需傾聽和搖曳,你不過是海邊那棵椰子樹,等待瓜熟蒂落,等待美和她寂寞永恆的衣裳。

然後,回來,在紙上,畫出天邊的地平線,畫出海,并讓美消隱在一首詩歌中,讓美得以最終完成。

 


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最初的動作是歌唱,
一種自由的聲音,充塞山谷。
最初的動作是喜悅,
但它已被攫去。

既然歲月已經改變了我的血,
而成千的行星系統在我肉體中生生死死,
我坐著,一個靈巧而憤怒的詩人,
眼睛斜視,滿懷惡意,
手中,掂量著筆,
我密謀復仇。

我掌握著筆而它長出枝葉,滿覆著花朵,
而那樹的氣味是莽撞無禮的,因為在那現實的地球上,
並不長有這種樹,而那樹的氣味,
對受苦的人類,像是一種侮辱。

有些人避難於絕望,它甘美
如強烈的煙草,如在虛無時喝醉的一杯伏特加。
其他的抱著蠢人的希望,玫紅如淫豔的夢。

另有一些人在愛國的盲目崇拜中找到安寧,
它可以維持很久,
雖然並不比十九世紀維持得更久。

然而給我的卻是一種冷嘲熱諷的希望,
因為自從睜開眼睛,我只看見火光、大屠殺,
只見背信、侮辱,以及吹牛者可笑的羞恥。
給我的是對別人與對自己復仇的希望,
因為我是個瞭解它、
而不為自己從中取利的人。

(華沙,1944)

杜國清 譯


In life we all have an unspeakable secret, an irreversible regret, an unreachable dream and an unforgettable love

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