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Monthly Archives: 12 月 2015

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整個冬天

我都在跟文字較勁

克里希那穆提說

“詞語衹能寫出它能寫的”

彷彿文字不是人類血液中的元素

詞語不是夢和醒之間的橋

墨水弄髒手指的喜悅再不回來


整個冬天

我都在跟文字較勁

“匹夫何罪

懷字其罪”

直到我意識到

謊言不是始於文字

而是始於人心

一個敗壞的時代

也是懼怕文字的時代


整個冬天

我都在等待這樣一個時刻

大樹飛旋著年輪

文字流淌如魚群

胎兒嬉戲於羊水

那些侷限我的事物

也在幫我打碎花瓶

如此我才能告訴你

美好的事物都有自己的風聲

一個字一個字救自己

才能讓記憶跟上記憶


2015.12.28黃昏,12.31下午,水南莊

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但願

我還能用這兩根

鐵軌的長筷

夾起

歲月的殘羹

追尾的厄運


2015.12.28上午,水南莊

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我的愛不夠

把一隻流浪狗

抱回家

它在雨地裏

車來車往的馬路中間

不知閃避

我知道屬於它的

那份茫然

也長在我身上

 

我的愛不會

因為一個孩子的遇難

而多些悲傷

他溺斃在海邊

蜷縮在垃圾箱

被踩踏在地鐵扶梯

或死於豆腐渣校舍

我知道屬於他的

那份夭折

也長在父母身上

 

我的愛不夠

給獄中的朋友

寫一張新年賀卡

想寄的時候

也沒有誰告知

那些失蹤者的地址

我知道屬於良心犯的

那份擔當

勝過了鐐銬的重量

 

我的愛不夠

爬上雪山

撲滅一座自焚的城

不夠偷越邊境

去制止一場戰爭

不夠對恐怖份子說

中文聖戰歌裏的血腥

我知道屬於自己的

那份奔波

不夠安心而活

 

2015.12.22冬至,午後,霾,水南莊

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對我而言,救命稻草,文字而已。幸與不幸,皆在其中。文字不會撒謊,撒謊的是人。善待文字,一如善待愛人,方可叩問它的紋理。當我懷疑自己,連文字也包括進去,然而文字是無辜的。有生之年,文字依然構成了身體的骨架,讓我柔和下來。文字有自己的麵包房,吸引著那些聞到香味的人。文字說,麵包會有的,我無需懷疑。文字屬於那些可以信賴的事物,很久以來,我們忽視它,對它的傷害也沒有停止。文字是那樣一種文字,萱草一樣的文字:「燕爾新婚,如兄如弟。」文字即真實。對文字的背叛,即對自身的背叛。對一個寫作者而言,寫才是最重要的,才氣等而次之,是副產品。文字的現實意義在於,讓遺忘不會那麼快的到來。藉由文字,人得以確認自身的位置。至少對我而言是這樣的。超現實一點說,文字和人一同構成了命運的雙螺旋。文字是血液的一部份,滌盪的是個人的悲喜。也許這個觀點有些極端,但我秉持這一點:文字到個人為止。我不能想像寫作首先要有一群假想的讀者。就如佩索阿所說,做個詩人在我便是毫無野心,其實又何必以詩人自居?詩歌永遠是飛來橫財。對文字的打磨一如對夜晚的打磨,長夜耗盡之時,可能會得一兩好句。這樣的努力是值得的。不背叛的文字,於是和不背叛的友情一樣,顯出它的可愛。對個體而言,最終的文字一定是墓碑上的文字,就像詩人喜歡寫墓誌銘一樣,與其說他們關心名聲,不如說至死也不想斷絕和文字的姻緣。文如其人,其人如文,才算得上誠實,對文字的僭越和誇大,必然意味著兩敗俱傷。卡爾維諾提文字的精准性,也是在強調,文字和寫作者之間的互相“誠實”,文字的多意如不能被寫作者識別并界定,讀者必然迷失其中。在我看來,衹有個體的文字,沒有代言的文字。衹是,大家已經被標語口號迷惑太久了,這也包括各位的孩子。言論自由既無,對文字的恪守就變成第一重要的事。


2015.12.21下午,水南莊

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短髮直直

正與夜齊

春心萌兮

母性之始


柳下曳曳

亂入褻衣

春心撩兮

母性之儀


長髮短淚

我心焦焦

美目翻兮

母性之失


情之戕之

吞藥如食

美目瞎兮

母性之逝


2015.12.18下午,水南莊

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東方既霾

百毒難避

生而無趣

死如泥牛

聒噪嘲哳

自甘芻狗

構陷圍捕

黥面蒙羞

兒輩何辜

淪為同謀

辣手摧花

緊箍邪咒

惡道如斯

坐等死否


歷代而下

血腥板結

民主之途

未知遐邇

新年舊景

人心難覓

生於不安

死於無智

何以自慰

硅膠之娃

威哉天朝

霾氣長存

壯哉吾民

牛馬為壽


2015.12.21,水南莊

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每個清晨

擠牙膏

成了唯一的禱告


每個夜晚

總忘了

數一數失蹤的人


疲憊

掛在脖子上

狂躁

植入方腦殼


災難

總是先於祝福

向新年致敬


誰還記得

文字和釘子

安靜又尖銳的樣子


誰還記得

月亮上的那場雨

大過了情人的應許


當我

徒有人形

比標本和假肢

更僵直


內心的獸性

就不會聽到

鳥鳴撞上玻璃的回聲


2015.12.20下午,南磨房

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無路可走

就把一棵樹

當做道路

它不會折腰而行


到達一棵樹

要穿過所有的距離

霾障

窗玻璃

監視器


一棵樹

打坐

不動中萬動

比佛更徹底

無知的人

剝了它的皮


一棵樹

你看不到它的疼

更多時候

你當它不存在

彷彿它不是重要的


一棵樹

不言不語

不像一個人

活在詞語裏


2015.12.10黃昏,南磨房

世界人權日,五年前的今天還被他們軟禁在一個小旅館。