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Monthly Archives: 5 月 2013

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人生不如意事常有八九六四

 

2013.5.30黃昏

用一首詩回應一個亡魂,用一首詩還債

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 早上出門前

背小瑪莎的詩給妻子聽:

“這些天裏我一定要節省

我沒有錢可節省

我一定要節省健康和力量

足夠支持我很長時間

……”

 

親愛的小瑪莎

妳有著怎樣一雙碧藍的眼睛

穿了怎樣一件驚恐的囚衣

寫了怎樣一首渴望得救的詩

并努力讓一首詩戰勝集中營?

 

親愛的小瑪莎

一遍遍背妳的詩

我想知道

在妳小小的身體裏

生命怎樣用她的高貴

蔑視了死亡和暴政的遊戲

 

親愛的小瑪莎

妳無從知道自己的詩

這麼多年來

怎樣洗滌了世界骯髒

又怎樣讓生命的高貴

繼續在生活的卑微裏前行

讓打著補丁的苦難

繼續一段又一段襤褸的旅程

 

親愛的小瑪莎

這個世界一直虧欠著妳

虧欠著孩子

納粹營裏有毒氣室

我們這兒有毒奶粉、豆腐渣和屠童案

還有校長找幼女開房

處女膜沒破就不算強姦

 

親愛的小瑪莎

沒人知道妳如何死去抑或永生

身邊可有自己的親人抑或天使

過兩天就是

兒子的第一個本命年

今早他系著一塊難看的紅布出門了

說是要集體朗誦一個讚歌

我卻不能為他解開枷鎖

 

親愛的小瑪莎

謝謝妳為我和家人節省下來的生命

謝謝妳為我節省下來的忍耐

謝謝妳讓我知道自己的軟弱

而在無休止的褻瀆中

惟有抗爭是值得的

 

親愛的小瑪莎

我不能替妳死去

於是

我替妳寫詩而活

 

2013.5.30上午,午後,黃昏,四惠東

 

 

瑪莎的詩:節省

 

這些天我一定要節省

  我沒有錢可節省

我一定要節省健康和力量,

足夠支持我很長時間。

  我一定要節省我的神經我的思想我的心靈

  和我的精神

  我一定要節省流下的淚水

  我需要它們很長,很長的時間。

  我一定要節省忍耐,在這些風暴肆虐的日子。

  在我的生命我有那麼多需要的:

  情感的溫暖和一顆善良的心

  這些東西我都缺少。

  這些我一定要節省

  這一切,上帝的禮物,我希望保存。

我將多麼悲傷

倘若我很快失去了它們。

 

—— 二戰時期納粹集中營叫瑪莎的猶太小女孩所寫

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1.

把自己堵在一場風裏

被飛絮壓住呼吸

 

當妳出門

又有很多空

留了下來

 

跟在孩子身後

不緊不慢地老

 

老死不像話

年輕更不像話

時間橫著過

 

2.

午夜

詞語的月亮

 

窗櫺

喜悅的空隙

 

如果此刻相遇

必定脈脈無語

 

走在路上

卻跟不上妳的心事

 

那些花籃橫著放

想給自己一個假期

 

想和孩子在一起

孩子和風在一起

 

如今他們累極而睡

夢像夢一樣美

 

3.

鍵盤上敲字

沒有墨香

詩歌就是乾燥的

 

如同嘴唇

等著一個濕潤的舌頭

可以是女友

可以是小狗

 

我想寫下

生活還在冒煙的部份

可以是自焚

可以是火災

卻又想著儘快結束的日子

 

這個時候

午夜掛著吊瓶

可以是鹽

可以是酒

而你卻停在喝不動酒的日子

 

4.

他們說到時間

麥穗

回家的路

 

背著一袋子的艱辛

和衰老

大地上的拐杖

并沒有交出自己

 

沒有交出埃及的河

身體裏的河

祖祖輩輩的河

 

頭頂河流

陷在集體的髒髒裏

我並非無話可說

 

驚恐堵住嘴巴

用盡那些竹籤和鐐銬

我並非一無所求

 

5.

當你陷在露水的形成中

黑色就是永世的力量

 

曇花開放

黑夜收場

是誰收拾起弱小的生命

又重新上路

 

總有一個浩歎的時節

留給南方

留給雨季

留個一個滂沱的相逢

6.

和海子一樣

我想讓自己慢下來

原諒我跟不上你的滂沱

 

同一個雨季裏

不同的花語

 

活著是值得

因為你還在寫

幾乎用盡了黑夜

 

7.

寫詩

寫長髮蕩秋千

 

潛入水中

 

柳枝依依

離別還沒靠岸

 

朋友一場

生活向著後海生長

 

8.

一個芳名

讓人心跳

 

一個名字不會自殺

不容忘記

 

妳的名字

孩子的名字

都是護身符

 

9.

有妳就夠了

在言說的

是另外的消息

 

好消息帶著風

壞消息帶來雨

 

妳來就夠了

這麼黑的夜

幾乎可以佔有

 

就如一個安靜的字

包含的那份期許

 

10.

非要寫出一個結尾

那就寫

小狗狗的尾巴

 

搖來搖去的喜悅

 

11.

山在山上

魚在腹中

 

我們和那些光

一起喊救命

 

2013.4.30夜寫於推特,5.8午後整理

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這麼多的事物

與詩歌相親

 

那些一輩子寫詩的人

以生命和有靈典當了美

 

世界因為混亂而存在

而詩人衹在乎隱喻 

 

夜與晝的空隙裏

他尋找著內在的秩序

卻為世人蓋起了房子

 

2013.5.3凌晨,寫在推特上

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厭倦了白天

自己的嘴臉

我和我的長髮

回到夜晚

在一個名字裏

讓妳看見

一首詩愛上另一首詩的歡喜

或者

一條街拐過另一條街的記憶

還記得妳

穿了一條春天的花裙子

溫暖的身體垂下來柳絲

年輕是笨拙的

乳汁是甜蜜的

孩子是奔跑的

而妳祗看到自己

深夜裏吞下藥片

妳把自毀當成一種勇氣

思念的骨刺長了

生活仍在亂糟糟地繼續

珍藏妳

不過是珍藏一幅照片

不過是珍藏一段夏日

十三年的歲月格子

妳又在哪裏買醉

妳又在哪裏碰著了海水

 

2013.5.8上午,南磨房,聽琵琶語

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好一首李煜的亡國

好一首林昭的絕命

 

2013.4.25午後,四惠東

“你得先回到自己的安靜裏,才能寫出破曉的詩句。”

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在街角

那些風敲著欄杆

反而把安靜

留給了流浪的人

他在路邊撿垃圾

直到有一天

他被別人垃圾一樣撿起

在這個國

我們祗能活個開頭

好讓尾巴任人宰割

 

在這個早上

陽光和土地這對結拜兄弟

努力拉長人們的影子

白色的梨花和紫色的梧桐花

開始訴說自己懷春的心事

那麼多的長髮飄著

帶著良宵的顏色

行色迷離的女孩

在讓世界受孕前

祗想把最後一點美好留給自己

 

這個早上

風順著手指

順著牆上的傷痕

那些被肢解的文字

那些被豆腐渣的房子

把家園燒成巨大的虛詞

那麼多的偉人頭攢在手裏

那麼多的中國人僵在夢裏

那麼多的文字獄陷在獄裏

一個彌天末世

 

2013.4.25上午,四惠東5.8上午,南磨房

“一個時代一個悲歌卻帶著無數世紀的屈辱而活,又如何說出愛是恒久忍耐愛是永不止息?一個沒有信仰的民族如何救贖?答案也許在里爾克的詩句裏:有何成功可言,堅持意味著一切。但願這末世的風能吹到未來的醒。”