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8月11日晚,朝陽國保約談,要我在大姐事情上閉嘴。并許諾,如果表現好,還可以安排我和大姐單獨見面。最後我說,最好安排我和大姐在家中見面。

出於對自我和家人的保護,我祗好閉嘴。在審判大姐時,我成了一個旁觀者。我想他們一定很得意。但讓我不能容忍的是,他們藉著我的推號,開始用一種沒有人性的語言攻擊大姐。他們想激怒我,以此證明我也不過是一個懦夫。爲了一己之利,可以置大姐於不顧。

我們所處的是這樣一個時代,一個被禁止的時代。我在11日凌晨的詩歌中說:

 

“他們禁止你

然後告訴你什麽是允許的

好像這是莫大的恩賜”

 

“他們允許你接受這種恩賜

允許你聽話

允許你看輕自己”

 

好吧,我承認我的懦弱,可你們敢於承認自己的無恥嗎?我把你們的言論放在下面,網友會看到,你們的子孫也會看到。

在此我不想多說,做人是有底線的,你們的底線在哪裏呢?


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此刻驚雷陣陣,北京城。

有個詞,叫“天譴”。這會留給審判大姐的他們。

我祗盼大姐早回家。我們不過中秋節,但求安心而活。

大姐,我還記得看妳寫唐福珍的文章,從胸腔深處迸發出的仁愛與怒火。

大姐,我還記得去年中秋,妳婉拒我的邀請,因為李淑蓮,妳發誓此生不過中秋。妳無法釋懷,一個鮮活的,滿腹冤屈的生命僅僅因為上訪,就死於非命。

大姐,妳容忍不了罪惡偽裝成正義,容不下弱者遭受丁點兒欺凌。甚至,妳不能捨弃一條殘疾的流浪小狗。

初次見面,在2009年底,因為三網友。酒桌上,妳的親和爽朗,和著二鍋頭的溫度,給人的第一感覺是,亮亮堂堂。

妳來家中,必然是給孩子買足了好吃好玩的,從外地回來,也要給大人帶回漂亮的蠟染服裝,妳總想著,給周圍的朋友,多一點的饋贈和歡樂,獨獨忘了自己。妳曾說,清湯白水加幾片菜葉,就是一頓飯。我常勸妳注意身體,腰不好,不能硬撐著,少熬夜,但妳依舊不顧惜,也因為錢的緣故,遲遲不去醫院檢查。有時去做做按摩,必然有片警全程陪同。監視妳的居住,監聽妳的電話,軟禁妳在賓館,從關注三網友始,幾乎已經成了常態。我還記得爲了去福州,妳不惜讓親友擔心,偷偷從家中離開,上演了一處空城計。當一個國家逼得一個公民祗能以此方式生活的時候,誰還能有安全感?難怪艾未未說,如果想瞭解自己的祖國,你已經走在了犯罪的道路上。

過幾天,他們要以尋釁滋事罪審判妳。但還有比著更荒唐的事情嗎?就如阿壟詩裏說的,難道花朵有芳香的罪,寶劍有鋒芒的罪嗎?無罪的人無辜受審,難道不是一個國家,這個國家每一個子民的恥辱嗎?

大姐在3月21日被帶走前,特意私信我,勸我不要太激憤。我也聽從大姐的話,不過在推上致一個早安,也不被允許。去年12月敏感期,他們甚至要我和大姐絕交,好像我交了一個壞人。而我是多麼慶倖認識了大姐,因為她確實是大姐呀,有危險時沖在前面,有好東西時不忘分享,即便是吃剩的菜,也要帶回家給蛋蛋。她也多次勸我,寫詩就夠了,不要沖的太猛。

大姐所做的一切,不過是儘自己的全力,幫助那些受冤屈的人,在社會底層掙扎的弱者,不過是爭取自己作為一個公民應有的權利,她何錯之有,何罪之有呢?

也許,她唯一的“罪過”就是“飯醉”吧,朋友們聚在一起,吆三喝四地喝兩杯,每每這時,大姐會在酒熱心酣之際,唱兩句信天遊,朗誦一首龍龍或阿爾的詩,如此這般,也不過是一澆塊壘,暫時忘卻若干年前刺耳的槍聲炮火。

正是大姐的擔當,讓我逐漸“脫敏”,不再過分恐懼而活。也因為大姐和周圍的朋友們,我開始走出自我設置的藩籬,開始看到一個真實的中國如何上演一場曠日持久的鬧劇。是一個仍在野蠻和乖戾中掙扎的怪獸,把我們放在了冰冷的深淵裏。五千年而下,猶如一個魔咒,這種忍辱負重的生活並沒有結束於新世紀。但如果一個民族失去信仰,如果真理過多地被謊言覆蓋,如果文明僅僅是拼湊出的四大發明,我們就永無得救之日。

這就是我所認識的王大姐,亮亮堂堂,端的是宅心仁厚;敢做敢當,免不了憂心如焚。在古代,也許人們都會稱她“大善人”、“活菩薩”;在戲曲裏,也許就是穆桂英,花木蘭。

再次抄錄大姐2010年5月2日為林昭雕像揭幕所寫下的話:

“心中有你,無法沉淪;

雖然驚懼,依然決定走你的路。”

 

更多大姐的文章請移步http://freewanglihong.blogspot.com/



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昨日立秋。媳婦做的素錦壽司。香糯可口。我想大姐也愛。

從春分到立秋。他們就忍心這麼惡劣地對待一位善良的長輩。

我以為自己很平靜了。我以為的平靜遠未到來。

荷爾德林說,最亟需的,是追問天空。在一個沒有真相的世界,人是多麼容易迷失和輕信。

在推上說,如果邪惡也能殺死善良,那麼人類早已死光。

我不知自己是在表達最後的希望,抑或絕望。

一支煙接著一支煙,是生之寂滅。

八月空城。荒蕪行走。他們要把大姐關到什麽時候?


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七月剩下最後一天

黃昏像桌布鋪在膝蓋上

這短暫的安寧

可以無酒而飲

 

鋃鋃鐺鐺的七月

隔著鐵窗

大姐有詩否

 

總覺得春分

是個讓人懷遠的日子

總覺得從春分開始

世界將褪去它的寒冷

 

他們選擇春分帶走妳

就是爲了帶走這份美好嗎

妳說該來的總會來

妳勸我不要憤激

 

妳不知道自春而夏的這段日子

都是白色的,焦灼的

妳不知道艾未未也黑頭套了

這是一個國保親口說的

 

他們想瓦解妳

叫我閉嘴,叫更多的人閉嘴

好證明妳是孤立無援的

他們不知道自由是一個整體

 

他們讓更多的人寫下保證書

讓我們在逼仄的空間裏

證明自己的無足輕重

沒有問我們願不願意

 

大姐妳不知道現在交通工具也會殺人

一個十二歲的小男孩死在地鐵電梯

超載的長途車讓更多的人死於兒戲

動車追尾了鐵片卡住每個人的脖子

 

一個玩數字遊戲的國度也在玩命

它想讓全世界瞧得起

卻在不可遏制的速度裏背道而馳

 

他們說“不管你信不信

反正我信了”

好像說謊不會潰瘍

作惡沒有代價

 

舉頭三尺的神明

也沒能讓他們停止毀車滅跡

他們製造著更多的孤兒

他們製造著更多的怨懟

 

我不知道他們怎樣對待妳

我祗知道他們不會心慈

也不會手軟

就像他們曾經怎樣對待林昭

 

在一個飲鴆國

在一個老大哥的時代

一個好人必然是一個良心犯

然而妳是好人中嗓門最大的

 

他們無法理解

一首詩,一次和平的圍觀

我們都在以各自的方式救贖和新生

在卑微中也不放棄做人的底線

 

因為這是我們的國

我們子孫的國

我們心中都有一個七月

為美好預留了全部的喜悅

 

2011.7.31黃昏,南磨房

 

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2011.7.24夜雨,自豐寧元山子歸


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此刻雷聲陣陣

炸藥一樣探進盲目的頭腦

在被禁止的探訪裏

我想像你們是一萬朵火中的唯一

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我在火中寫詩

以這些高於我的文字

卻仍不能確信

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我來到世上

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2011.7.7夜,陣雨,前兩句仿巴爾蒙特