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Category Archives: 2011上半年(手工添加)

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分行

 

我如此年輕

鬢髮蔥蘢

 

踏進鐵籠的“新房”

第一次——學著

把文字分行碼放

 

秋色蒼黃

白牆黑窗

我是光明待嫁的新娘

 

囚燈

 

囚室的燈長明著

你在窺探什麼?

 

徹夜的燈

盯著無眠的睡

鼠眼賊目

即使在上廁所的時候

 

掃視一切的囚燈

你卻看不到

——每個有心人

都是一個完整的世界

 

貧困、疾病、歧視

監視、毒打、高壓

涼饃、冷炕、鐵窗

都不是他們熄滅的理由

 

歡樂頌

 

在景山派出所

記住了幾張醜陋的臉

獰笑著翻檢我的背包

幾隻骯髒的警靴

沒有一絲猶豫

空洞的雙眼、狼般的叫囂

恍惚間身處叢林

綠光閃閃

 

短暫漫長的八天行拘

和更長久的非法監禁

再次告訴我什麼是逼上梁山

 

他們想用謊言改寫歷史

他們想以囚禁扼殺榮耀

他們想用寂寞摧毀意志

他們想以孤獨絞殺尊嚴

 

而我,像一根細弱而驕傲的蘆葦

在天地間,用顫抖的筆跡

堅定地寫下:

不屈、無愧

 

而我,始終知道

心是自由的

人性在每一個角落發光

 

歌聲湛藍

翱翔天際

 

良心犯

 

從此,我和你們相同了

你們曾經的、現在的囚犯

你們有一個名字

——良心犯

 

從此,我和你們相通了

野蠻的手折斷鐵血的玫瑰

剩下了堅硬的刺

不再隨風蕩漾

 

從此,我和你們一樣

用尖刻的冷眼

剖解飲鴆的國

它以寒冰鎖我的身

我用滾燙的心擁抱我的骨肉山河

 

從此,站在雞蛋一邊

我有了一干義薄雲天的兄弟

嗨,你們好!

加我一個——既然末世已經開始狂歡

 

軟禁

 

走出東城拘留所

被圈進八人看守的黑酒店

強權的油膩填塞著我的胃

說不出的膩味噁心

 

沒有英特納兒網……

沒有朋友

沒有一聲來自友善的問候

 

“喂,你有了前科

從此,你像風箏

而線,只有一尺長

想什麼時候收你

你就只是廢紙一張”

 

“知道什麼叫‘莫須有’嗎?”

 

“想想吧,下次可能不是八天而是八年”

 

(是的,我知道

“喂!人民,服務!”

只要你存在一天

八天之後還會有很多八天)

 

55歲生日

 

小時候想,55歲,是很老很老的人了

今天,我也55歲了

我的生日賀禮卻是一間牢房

 

55歲,

只為不能轉過頭去無視苦難

55歲,

為了你我都能唱出心中的善良

 

55歲,

剝光了身上的溫暖,換上囚衣

55歲,

用平和的堅定換來獄友的敬意:

“哦,政治犯!好樣的

帶我一起玩”

 

55歲,天說,該咋玩兒、就咋玩兒

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老大,看你的詩

必須帶上耳機聽盤古

讓聲音大到

只有一個人聽到

這些被稱為搖滾的稀有金屬

如今

已經不昂貴了

一如我們的靈魂

要在最冷的角落

和下水道裏找

拎上來

還是濕漉漉的天氣

這是唯一的天氣

一直疼到了陰莖裏

伴隨著一褲襠的前列腺

一個添堵的國家

卻叫我們閉嘴

還要贈送點軟禁和刑期

好讓天下太平

我的太平公主

妳又在哪裏?

我想尋找妳懷抱裏的安靜

妳又在哪裡?

我需要一場爆米花的革命

好像童年那樣的安寧

一個沒有童年的國家

最終讓我生無趣

死無骨

 

2011.3.17上午聽盤古《金盤路》

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魂兮歸去食無鹽

安得樂土兮饗平安

 

日本地震,中國鹽荒。你能瞭解中國人的邏輯嗎?

荒誕變成常態,我也只能說,中國人很變態。

在災難面前,不是報以同情和道義的支援,從消息封鎖到憤青的幸災樂禍,多少能說明些問題。

好在還有那麼一些清醒的人,堅持著作為一個人基本的良知,履行著作為一個人基本責任,那就是人活著,不全是爲了自己,自由是一個整體,就如同,不會有另外一個星球。

人類的進化,文明的進化,艱難到一個裹足不前的地步,至少在我所在的國是這樣的。如果你是一個好人,好吧,監獄裏面呆著。

在這個國家有一條奇怪的罪名:煽動顛覆國家政權罪。這是什麽罪名,恐怕連最流行的咆哮體也解釋不清。

最近在看冉雲飛先生的《通往比傻帝國》,明白了一個道理:比傻的結果是人人都成了傻B,或者你必須裝作如此,否則就會成為被警察和國保喝茶的對象,甚至,讓你嘗嘗軟禁和坐牢的滋味。

只是勤勉如冉雲飛先生,如此平和智慧之學者文人,怎麼就落了個“顛覆國家政權罪”,不是我這個榆木疙瘩能想通的。

在一個冥頑不化的國度,也許,思考,思想即犯罪。自己想想也就罷了,說出了,就會有人告密;發在網絡上,就會有人專職來刪除和屏蔽;你翻牆註冊個博客,也許就剩下你自己能看到。

我想像著大家都往超市去搶著買鹽,是想製造炸藥包嗎?在諾貝爾的詞典裏,有這種原料嗎?可惜我化學從來沒學好過。

倒是,我曾經寫過兩句詩來表達我作為一個酒廠銷售員的鬱結:

雪地上我撒一把鹽

沒有人會看見

這是我和鹽的一段露水姻緣。

不像現在,大家,搶呀搶呀地,那麼重口味。

 

2011.3.17晚

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星期一, 二月 28th, 2011

兼致冉雲飛先生

有草的地方草泥馬
有花的地方茉莉花

兩隻小狗雪地上相遇了
溫柔而執拗地
嗅著對方身上的雪

一場血液中酒色的大雪
在春天漫山遍野

一朵抗命的花
不叫玫瑰也不叫百合
不曾想要顛覆親愛的祖國

2011.2.26早,雪

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“你瘦了嗎?”

“瘦了。”

“頭髮呢?”

“也瘦了。”

 

“不瘦的是什麽呢?”

“掛著風箏的月亮”

“很大嗎?”

“像妳年輕時的淚滴”

 

“可我現在不哭了。”

“恩,妳是說海水。”

“那你想我嗎?”

“像想孩子眼裏的夏日。”

 

“孩子們都長出乳房了。”

“我們還差一個生日。”

“我們還會見面嗎?”

“妳告訴了我一個好消息。”

 

2011.1.7下午

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星期六, 二月 12th, 2011

早上,被小狗強吻了嘴,濕濕的,涼涼的。祂看著我囧的樣子,情緒很穩定。
上班路上看到推文,說埃及的獨裁者下臺滾蛋了。
路邊一個乾果店的海報上寫著:“兔年了,你還做烏龜嗎?”
又有推友說:“兵馬俑,兵馬俑,我是木乃伊,我這邊已經解放了,你哪邊怎樣?”
很多推友表示情緒不穩定,我也是。
看波士頓大圖,猶如史詩,始信人民創造歷史:

http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2011/02/egypt_the_wait.html?camp=misc:on:twit:rtbutton

埃及人民沒有人告訴我們怎麼做,只是做了自己份內的事:為了自由和獨立的人格而抗爭到底!
我知道我們還會沉默下去,直到爆發的時刻,我期待這一天早日到來。
我但願我們從點滴做起,在沉默中孕育更大的力量。

 

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“錢雲會村長

你收走了我寫給你的文字

我沒有給你燒燒紙

在一個荒唐的國

誰能瞑目地死去

在這個變幻著死法

像變換著魔術的國

以疊音的方式演繹了一個個

空蕩蕩的冤魂

他們生無所有

死時卑賤

讓活著的人羞愧地想到

死亡才是他們應得的新年禮物

我還記得古龍小說

他說晴冷的天氣

大街上的血乾的更快

我們見不得血

我們比遺忘更容易遺忘

我們吃著人血饅頭

僅僅把死亡當成了陌生的事物

活不夠就被死去

我們甚至沒有螻蟻偷生的權利

這是一個什麽樣的惡魔

讓更大的亂象起於萍末”

 

2011.1.10上午

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上午在牛博國際註冊了博客,寫了篇《碾》的文章,結果誤操作,發表出來只剩下了個題目。

懊惱之餘,我把它理解成天意:它被錢村長看到,收走了。

 

我不知道從什麽時候起,中國多了一種碾文化。

我不知道用推土機或工程車從一個活人身上壓過去,與魔術大師把暗箱裏的美人切成兩半,哪個更具震撼力。

我不能說錢村長一定是被謀殺的,否則我就是個誣告陷害罪,我擔當不起。和絕大多數黃種人一樣,我膽小怕事。

我只敢在詩裏說:“你不是死於謀殺/因為盛世沒有這種說法”。

 

在那篇消失的文章裏,我說,千百年來,這片土地見證了中國百姓太多的辛勞悲苦。血濃於水,這片土地就是我們的血與魂。黃是我們的底色,黃是我們的根,無論黃是善是惡,都是我們應該擔當的。天當被,地當床,我們披了一層黃色的皮囊,黃土地就是我們綿延不絕的愛與傷。

 

我多次跟朋友說,從小不在農村生活過,不算是一個完整的中國人。因為只有在田間地頭,聽到那些你聽不懂的方言,看到鬱鬱青青的稻苗和麥穗,你來知道自己的來處,才會忍不住自己的淚水,才會追問自己的淳樸去了哪裏。一個農耕的社會,爲什麽就不能保留一片古典的亮色,居住在祖祖輩輩的村莊裏,欣欣然建設屬於自己的家園呢?爲什麽我們只能做一個被階級和戶籍劃分的農民,而不能做一個像童話一樣快樂的農夫呢?

而以土地强徵和房屋強拆為特徵的農村城鎮化則是悲劇。本質上,它妄圖粗暴地切斷人和土地的天然臍帶。這種對土地的淩遲伴隨著一幕幕惡行和慘劇還在無盡頭地上演。

正是在這個意義上,我說錢雲會村長,是中國鄉村家園的守護者。

無論是生,是死,他都是我們最親的人。

 

他在天涯論壇裏擲地有聲的三個字“我負責”,與其說是對強權的挑戰,不如說是對家鄉故土的不死之愛。多年來支撐他堅強走在維權之路上的,也不止是爲了對鄉親們有一個交代。相比較錢村長的那份癡愛,我們只是多了一份久居城市的戾氣,少了一份親近泥土的淳樸厚道。

 

我還記得在文章中說,那個光著屁股奔跑在鄉間亂石子路上的孩子哪兒去了呢?還有一路追著他的同樣溫暖光滑的陽光?

還有誰記得我們從哪兒來的嗎?

小草從土裡面探出頭,遇到了清晨的小露珠。

 

我在詩裏說:“人心都是肉長的/都是從故鄉的泥土開始/奔流的河”。其實,我特別想把“奔流”換成“流浪”。因為我們已經流離失所,沒有了自己的土地和榮耀。留著,只是要給自己一個希望。

但願我們還記得自己的來處,就像記著胸口的與生俱來的胎記。

但願我們還記得錢村長,他在一個聖誕的早上,告別了親愛的家鄉。

 

2011.1.5黃昏