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魂兮歸去食無鹽

安得樂土兮饗平安

 

日本地震,中國鹽荒。你能瞭解中國人的邏輯嗎?

荒誕變成常態,我也只能說,中國人很變態。

在災難面前,不是報以同情和道義的支援,從消息封鎖到憤青的幸災樂禍,多少能說明些問題。

好在還有那麼一些清醒的人,堅持著作為一個人基本的良知,履行著作為一個人基本責任,那就是人活著,不全是爲了自己,自由是一個整體,就如同,不會有另外一個星球。

人類的進化,文明的進化,艱難到一個裹足不前的地步,至少在我所在的國是這樣的。如果你是一個好人,好吧,監獄裏面呆著。

在這個國家有一條奇怪的罪名:煽動顛覆國家政權罪。這是什麽罪名,恐怕連最流行的咆哮體也解釋不清。

最近在看冉雲飛先生的《通往比傻帝國》,明白了一個道理:比傻的結果是人人都成了傻B,或者你必須裝作如此,否則就會成為被警察和國保喝茶的對象,甚至,讓你嘗嘗軟禁和坐牢的滋味。

只是勤勉如冉雲飛先生,如此平和智慧之學者文人,怎麼就落了個“顛覆國家政權罪”,不是我這個榆木疙瘩能想通的。

在一個冥頑不化的國度,也許,思考,思想即犯罪。自己想想也就罷了,說出了,就會有人告密;發在網絡上,就會有人專職來刪除和屏蔽;你翻牆註冊個博客,也許就剩下你自己能看到。

我想像著大家都往超市去搶著買鹽,是想製造炸藥包嗎?在諾貝爾的詞典裏,有這種原料嗎?可惜我化學從來沒學好過。

倒是,我曾經寫過兩句詩來表達我作為一個酒廠銷售員的鬱結:

雪地上我撒一把鹽

沒有人會看見

這是我和鹽的一段露水姻緣。

不像現在,大家,搶呀搶呀地,那麼重口味。

 

2011.3.17晚

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星期一, 二月 28th, 2011

兼致冉雲飛先生

有草的地方草泥馬
有花的地方茉莉花

兩隻小狗雪地上相遇了
溫柔而執拗地
嗅著對方身上的雪

一場血液中酒色的大雪
在春天漫山遍野

一朵抗命的花
不叫玫瑰也不叫百合
不曾想要顛覆親愛的祖國

2011.2.26早,雪

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“你瘦了嗎?”

“瘦了。”

“頭髮呢?”

“也瘦了。”

 

“不瘦的是什麽呢?”

“掛著風箏的月亮”

“很大嗎?”

“像妳年輕時的淚滴”

 

“可我現在不哭了。”

“恩,妳是說海水。”

“那你想我嗎?”

“像想孩子眼裏的夏日。”

 

“孩子們都長出乳房了。”

“我們還差一個生日。”

“我們還會見面嗎?”

“妳告訴了我一個好消息。”

 

2011.1.7下午

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星期六, 二月 12th, 2011

早上,被小狗強吻了嘴,濕濕的,涼涼的。祂看著我囧的樣子,情緒很穩定。
上班路上看到推文,說埃及的獨裁者下臺滾蛋了。
路邊一個乾果店的海報上寫著:“兔年了,你還做烏龜嗎?”
又有推友說:“兵馬俑,兵馬俑,我是木乃伊,我這邊已經解放了,你哪邊怎樣?”
很多推友表示情緒不穩定,我也是。
看波士頓大圖,猶如史詩,始信人民創造歷史:

http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2011/02/egypt_the_wait.html?camp=misc:on:twit:rtbutton

埃及人民沒有人告訴我們怎麼做,只是做了自己份內的事:為了自由和獨立的人格而抗爭到底!
我知道我們還會沉默下去,直到爆發的時刻,我期待這一天早日到來。
我但願我們從點滴做起,在沉默中孕育更大的力量。

 

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“親愛的

提前三個月

妳來到預約的世界”

 

“一種提早呈現的美

讓妳純淨的

永遠像個孩子”

 

“警察在門外凍了一天

敲門要杯熱水

他看到妳和冉冉

還以為我有兩個孩子”

 

“膠帶封了窗子

警察無聊地鬥著地主

我在冥想一把空椅子”

 

“長時間的監視和軟禁後

拉開了小提琴一樣

清冽悠長的節日”

 

“然而大姐繼續被敏感著

警察國保都說煩了

說脫下那層皮

我們也都是老百姓”

 

“一瓶瀘州老窖走出派出所

清清白白地

期待著一飲而盡的豪情”

 

2010.12.26上午,南磨房

 

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“錢雲會村長

你收走了我寫給你的文字

我沒有給你燒燒紙

在一個荒唐的國

誰能瞑目地死去

在這個變幻著死法

像變換著魔術的國

以疊音的方式演繹了一個個

空蕩蕩的冤魂

他們生無所有

死時卑賤

讓活著的人羞愧地想到

死亡才是他們應得的新年禮物

我還記得古龍小說

他說晴冷的天氣

大街上的血乾的更快

我們見不得血

我們比遺忘更容易遺忘

我們吃著人血饅頭

僅僅把死亡當成了陌生的事物

活不夠就被死去

我們甚至沒有螻蟻偷生的權利

這是一個什麽樣的惡魔

讓更大的亂象起於萍末”

 

2011.1.10上午

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上午在牛博國際註冊了博客,寫了篇《碾》的文章,結果誤操作,發表出來只剩下了個題目。

懊惱之餘,我把它理解成天意:它被錢村長看到,收走了。

 

我不知道從什麽時候起,中國多了一種碾文化。

我不知道用推土機或工程車從一個活人身上壓過去,與魔術大師把暗箱裏的美人切成兩半,哪個更具震撼力。

我不能說錢村長一定是被謀殺的,否則我就是個誣告陷害罪,我擔當不起。和絕大多數黃種人一樣,我膽小怕事。

我只敢在詩裏說:“你不是死於謀殺/因為盛世沒有這種說法”。

 

在那篇消失的文章裏,我說,千百年來,這片土地見證了中國百姓太多的辛勞悲苦。血濃於水,這片土地就是我們的血與魂。黃是我們的底色,黃是我們的根,無論黃是善是惡,都是我們應該擔當的。天當被,地當床,我們披了一層黃色的皮囊,黃土地就是我們綿延不絕的愛與傷。

 

我多次跟朋友說,從小不在農村生活過,不算是一個完整的中國人。因為只有在田間地頭,聽到那些你聽不懂的方言,看到鬱鬱青青的稻苗和麥穗,你來知道自己的來處,才會忍不住自己的淚水,才會追問自己的淳樸去了哪裏。一個農耕的社會,爲什麽就不能保留一片古典的亮色,居住在祖祖輩輩的村莊裏,欣欣然建設屬於自己的家園呢?爲什麽我們只能做一個被階級和戶籍劃分的農民,而不能做一個像童話一樣快樂的農夫呢?

而以土地强徵和房屋強拆為特徵的農村城鎮化則是悲劇。本質上,它妄圖粗暴地切斷人和土地的天然臍帶。這種對土地的淩遲伴隨著一幕幕惡行和慘劇還在無盡頭地上演。

正是在這個意義上,我說錢雲會村長,是中國鄉村家園的守護者。

無論是生,是死,他都是我們最親的人。

 

他在天涯論壇裏擲地有聲的三個字“我負責”,與其說是對強權的挑戰,不如說是對家鄉故土的不死之愛。多年來支撐他堅強走在維權之路上的,也不止是爲了對鄉親們有一個交代。相比較錢村長的那份癡愛,我們只是多了一份久居城市的戾氣,少了一份親近泥土的淳樸厚道。

 

我還記得在文章中說,那個光著屁股奔跑在鄉間亂石子路上的孩子哪兒去了呢?還有一路追著他的同樣溫暖光滑的陽光?

還有誰記得我們從哪兒來的嗎?

小草從土裡面探出頭,遇到了清晨的小露珠。

 

我在詩裏說:“人心都是肉長的/都是從故鄉的泥土開始/奔流的河”。其實,我特別想把“奔流”換成“流浪”。因為我們已經流離失所,沒有了自己的土地和榮耀。留著,只是要給自己一個希望。

但願我們還記得自己的來處,就像記著胸口的與生俱來的胎記。

但願我們還記得錢村長,他在一個聖誕的早上,告別了親愛的家鄉。

 

2011.1.5黃昏

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也許我們都麻木了,才會對錢雲會先生的去世有著莫名的悲憤。

昨天看到照片時,還抱著一絲懷疑,還想著不至於有人敢在光天化日之下如此膽大妄為,即便無視法律,也還有一點基本的人性。

可是我錯了。

人性對有人性的人是有價值的。底線對有底線的人才稱其為底線。這個適用於全人類的基本法則,卻在錢雲會的事件上被踐踏得體無完膚。對著自己的同胞和同鄉舉起屠刀,這不是我能理解的可以歸為人類的“人”。

光天化日的謀殺,層層密謀之後的刻意,就是讓一個為民請命的好村長從這個地球上消失,這得需要多麽大的仇恨?

今天在天涯上呆了一天,不斷刷屏和保存跟帖,因為知道它們不會存留太久。但每每看到錢雲會村長被碾壓的照片,心中的痛是無言的。面對一個強權的國家,我們不但要擔心自己的生計,連回一個帖子都得擔心著會不會“跨省”,這是怎樣的河蟹剩世呢?

與錢雲會之死聯繫在一起的,是我們每一個人,是我們腳下的每一寸土地。不要把自己出賣,不要出賣自己的良心,自己的親朋,自己的一磚一瓦,因為這是我們的國與家,不容侵犯和踐踏。

也許我們軟弱和弱小,但我仍然想引用《網癮戰爭》裏說的:“豈因聲音弱小而不呐喊!”我們都是平民百姓普通網友,我們每天都爲了生計而疲勞奔波,我們盡我們所能為自己的靈魂找一個可以棲息的角落,不至於像我們看起來那樣庸俗和冷漠。我們祗想通過自己辛苦的勞動和思索,在這塊苦難的土地上聊以喘息和進步,保持一份自我和尊嚴。我們這點卑微的要求就不能見容於當權者,而最終要承受被趕盡殺絕的命運嗎?

不,那不是我所希望看到的,我不希望好人無好報,壞人得逍遙,我不希望公正被高懸於廟堂,邪惡橫行與世間。我不希望錢雲會死的不明不白,死後家屬還要被帶走,我不希望國內的媒體報導淺嘗輒止,對明顯的事實視而不見,我不希望謊言代替真理,殘暴代替慈悲。我不希望我們過度的沉默讓壞人有了繼續行兇的說辭。

對於錢雲會的死,我們都是罪人。因為他是為我們每一個人死去,一如耶穌當初的死。然而,我們還要在這個世間繼續沉淪而不悟,不能有更大的進步和抗爭。

哀我中華,亦自哀自嗟,終至羞愧難續,且把今天看到的帖子放在後面,亦希望發帖之人,不嫌棄并原諒我的唐突。我們一起送錢雲會先生最後一程。

2010.12.27夜


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