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在大面積降臨的苦難中,我們的害怕要到幾時呢?

苦難從無例外,不幸斯世斯景。

從春天開始的殺戮,并不因春天而結束。

我們互相躲避,把害怕像麻風病一樣留在身邊,都以為那是別人的。

生命的賜予是一段無休歇的旅程,生命的廣博也如麥田從青綠走到了枯黃,而豐收是在那樣一個時刻:人子回到所熟知的人間,敲開了風雪的大門。

而在此之前,我們封閉如蚌殼,以為那是我們必須忍受的。

一切不可說的成了生命的禁忌,為死亡的到來鋪好了地毯,而死亡是太昂貴的入場券。

所有施於我們的毒霾和囚禁,鑄成共同的枷鎖,扼殺的是一個族群的生存權和創造力。

土地和歷史的雙重貧瘠之所,粗糙的生活愈加粗糙,肉體愈加軟弱,悲憫之神唯獨揀選了那些獻祭者,不顧而去。

所幸者,從林昭,王維林,到屠夫吳淦,在個體抗爭強權的脈絡圖上,我們得見一個古老中國開始煥發的年輕精神,猶如金剛加持之力,激勵我們遠離顛倒驚怖。

歷史繼續著它的前程,諸多良心犯作為個體的獨立精神和理性抗爭,在被槍決,被棺材倉,被秘密關押,被黑頭套,被電擊生殖器,被抄家,被誤解,被漠視中,正在讓這個國家步履維艱地邁向現代文明。

當勇氣不斷被稀釋,抓捕成為常態,我們唯一能做的,是守住理性的燭照和原點──那是驅逐內心害怕的篝火。

最終征服我們的,是字字歌哭,梵高和烈酒,不是強權。

2014.5.25黃昏,南磨房,聽Okna
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死亡的入場券太昂貴了

我們衹好活著

心急地走在上班路上

看天上的直升機

地上的巡邏車

告誡自己

這樣一個和平的年代

我們不但擁有霧霾和毒奶

還擁有在火車站和地鐵過安檢的權利

在監控攝像頭下散步的權利

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我們還擁有被抄家和連坐的權利

坐老虎凳的權利

被打斷肋骨的權利

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2014.5.19日早,水南莊,5.25傍晚,南磨房

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把一場雨下到天上

大大小小的雨點

敲著天空的鼓

 

每一陣路過的風

都說自己走了好遠的路

 

每一片濃眉的綠

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孩子踩著水

安靜走下斜坡

老榕樹拱起時間的長廊

 

那些捧起海水的人

也捧起了遠方

 

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在飲鴆國,被剝奪了放風的權利後,接著被剝奪的,必然是放風箏的權利。

 

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一個沒有桂冠的時代正在失去自我命名的能力。一個以普遍的人格分裂為特征的國度,必然也是一個靈魂集體失憶的年代。匆忙的生活中,遺忘被預先原諒。信仰的缺失,同樣導致價值判斷的混亂和顛倒,做人的底線被一再突破。對良知的守護不再是一個公約數,而成了少數先行者以極大的犧牲來捍衛的權利。在不可逃避的,價值顛鸞倒鳳的環境裏,多數個體逐漸失去自我完善自我淨化的能力而變得隨波逐流。而這也是詩歌寫作者必然面對的窘境,逃無可逃。

 

當大多數人以放棄自身權利為生存代價,互相之間不再生活在坦誠相見中,就構成了一種身在車水馬龍中依然懸浮無依的常態。這種互相隔離,渙散無主見的狀態一直持續的結果,就是人更加的自私和原子化。人不再是詩意地棲居,彼此間的冷漠,惡意,敵意逐漸佔上風,人們開始生活在共同的墳墓而不是樂園裏。

 

這種劣幣驅逐良幣的惡性循環,或許可以這樣描述:“用一生的不作為/為自己的冷漠/尋找一塊廉價的墓地”。

 

如果一個詩歌寫作者對所處的“亞健康”現狀沒有洞見,沒有感受到制度所造就的戕害的切膚之痛,寫作就失去了源頭。沒有源頭的寫作難以為繼。

 

一個詩歌寫作者必然活在時代的悲劇中。

 

那麼,在對人性和文化的雙重絞殺中,“詩人”何為?“詩人自殺”還是一個反抗的符號嗎?一個社會學意義上的所謂“詩人”是由多少誤解和無知構成的?

 

更極端的提問是,當下的中國還有“詩人”嗎?

 

更偏激的結論是,“詩人”存在過嗎?中國素來有愛國的“詩人”,為官的“詩人”,田園的“詩人”,出家的“詩人”,作協的“詩人”,學院的“詩人”,唯獨缺少個我的“詩人”。

 

公正一點說,中國有眾多的詩歌作者,唯獨稀缺燭照靈魂的“詩人”。

 

作為詩歌寫作的另一個難度在於:藉由詞語進入詩歌內部,是一個如釀酒發酵般漫長的過程,所有試圖超越語言隧道而直達靈魂核心的努力,必然是一個悲傷的結局。

 

美酒不可多得,美人不可褻慢,一首詩歌仍在等待美好的事物的降臨。

 

卡夫卡說,詩歌衹與幸福有關,它並非是一種文學形式。以此可以說,寫詩是內心聲音的一種顯性表達,它如人飲水,首先是私人的,私密的,是自救於水火。從信念的角度,我寧願把“詩人”這一稱謂當成所有詩歌寫作者共享的財富,不必去獨佔和標榜。把寫詩的人稱為“詩人”,難免落入世俗的窠臼。當某個作者被賦予“詩人”光環,無形中把“詩人”貶為一種極具功利性的存在——“詩人”脫離自身的純粹而扮演起繆斯的代言人,甚至更糟,在角色扮演中成為幫兇和幫閒。

 

很多年前我說:“不寫詩的時候誰敢稱自己是詩人?”,以此來保持對“詩人”這一稱謂的警醒。那些自稱“詩人”的人總讓人心生懷疑。尤其在今天,”詩人“早已成為一個封號,或是自封之物。

 

所以我說:“自稱詩人的,不是詩人。”

 

我想強調的,”詩人“不應是一個個體身份識別的條形碼。當一個詩作者被”詩人“的光環和榮耀所蒙蔽,以繆斯的代言人自居,就會偏離作為人自身的謙卑。一個詩歌作者(包括詩歌天才),不太可能窮盡這個世界,充其量是努力開發自身,以更深層次的心智充盈自身。正如奧義書說“一把刀的鋒刃很難逾越”——對詩歌寫作者而言,這把刀就是“語言”——對語言的打磨是一個艱苦的,持續一生的過程。

 

互聯網時代(當然中華局域網是另一回事),知識的獲取變得輕而易舉,但同時,快餐文化和碎片化閱讀在多大程度上促進了心智的成熟,我心存疑惑。一個表象是:詩歌寫作大眾化和快速傳播已經讓這門古老的手藝面臨尬尷:仿佛人人皆可為詩人(廣義上也的確如此),詩歌成了快消品。

 

因此,工業化背景下,一個年輕的詩作者自稱“詩人”,刻意強調對”詩人“身份的認同,對”詩人”的身份認同超越對”人”的身份認同,或者說把“詩人”當成個體身份識別的標籤,一定程度上是有害的:因為“詩人”必然要求作者更多的擔當,當這種擔當超出個體的承受力,悲劇就不可避免。這就是為什麼:“一個詩人死於對語言的忠貞(或自以為的忠貞)和時代強加於他的焦慮並且總是如此。”

 

所以佩索阿說:”做個詩人在我便是毫無野心。”

 

在極度盤剝人的自尊和自由思考的流水線環境裏,當一個年輕的詩作者被“詩人”的光環和榮耀所感召(或是蒙蔽),把自身當做繆斯的代言,而語言的光澤尚需曠日持久的打磨——精神的苦悶,身體的透支加之媒體的吹捧炒作,許立志的自殺就有了內在的邏輯和宿命。

 

對於一個詩歌寫作者,尤其是年輕的詩歌愛好者,對“詩人”的稱謂保持足夠的警醒,對“詩人”這一封號(無論出於真誠還是恭維)要有免疫力,個人認為是非常必要的。而對語言的錘煉是一生的苦役,不要指望在短時間內有效果。

 

加速度的結果是:“詞語的自燃裏,詩人死去。”

 

又或者,趙振開戴上紅領巾,終於讓人明白了什麼叫朦朧詩人——對真相的模糊和良知的漠視衹為成為官方的“頭牌”。當骨子裏的奴性和毒素持續發作之時,就是一個“詩人”的消失之日。

 

又或者,詩人總是能獲得死亡的優惠券?或死於臥軌,或死於跳河,或死於斧頭,或死於剃鬚刀片,或死於毒藥,或把自己放逐深山老林,用七天的時間,把自己整整齊齊餓死。

 

在互聯網打通了知識通路的現在,心智的開發不再是難事,一個詩歌寫作者因著互聯網的“捷徑”或許可以讓自己放鬆下來——“詩人自殺”的傳統也該到了終結之時。就如狄蘭·托馬斯所說“太高傲了以至不屑去死“,“而死亡也不得統治萬物”。就如安東尼奧·波齊亞所說:“是的,我將試著去成為。因為我相信不去生存是傲慢的。”

 

“詩人自殺”的傳統理應結束於這個開放的互聯網時代。

 

2014年1012日午後,南磨房

2014年1014日上午,四惠東

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2014年1016日上午,四惠東

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我的孩子呀

你叫我一聲爸爸讓雪花停頓了片刻

隨之而來的溫暖築起了雪房子

相依為命的日子

就像你手上的樂高變換著快樂的形式

就像火柴人也會燙傷彼此

把牛奶倒進魚缸你說風是香的

過了馬路你說剩下的路自己走

我的孩子呀

戴上眼鏡轉眼就是十四歲

寫不完的作業像流水線上的工人

等不及的漫畫書打開週末的欣喜

提拉和米蘇教會我們不要自我囚禁

抱著尤克里里你已會學和我辯論

親愛的孩子呀你讓我懂得

春光永遠比耳光響亮

有一天你也會明白

童話裏沒有刺的仙人掌

也有把自己叫做仙人掌的權利

 

2015.6.8上午,午後,兒子生日,水南莊

PS:提拉和米蘇是孩子養了很久的兩隻小倉鼠

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人類創造節日,以此證明遺忘其實比記憶更強大。

我們把這個招呼死者的日子,叫做清明節,清明卻從此有了自己的生日。

 

一個官方版本的清明假日,卻是為了讓草民繼續恪守君臣父子的孝道,把跪著活當成自然之事。

跪著活的結果,就是在此國,非正常死亡太多了。

在奇怪的國,奇怪地死去,沒有人會覺得是意外。

自殺,被自殺,也沒有比此國更多的死法。

以至於,僅有一個清明不夠祭奠。

 

死者有林昭,有四千萬餓殍遍野,有右派和夾邊溝,有六四青年,有自焚的藏人,有死於車輪的錢雲會死於推土機的維權者,有唐福珍,有被上吊的李旺陽,李淑蓮,被輪姦致死的嚴曉玲,有被活摘器官的,割喉的,有死於是豆腐渣工程的汶川孩子,有屠童案有死於校車事故的孩子,有被癮君子鎖在家裏餓死的嬰兒;有死於靜安大火,天津大火,膠東追尾,溫州追尾的無辜者,有被砍死於昆明火車站的民工,有被地鐵門擠死的婦女,地鐵扶梯逆行被踩踏死的孩子,有在跨年狂歡夜被踩踏死的年輕人,有因為忍受不了流水線作業而接連跳樓的年輕人甚至把自己餓死在深山老林的詩者,有一抑鬱就跳樓的大小官員,有死於失聯的飛機鄰國扔來的炸彈,有冤死在惡警搶下的徐純合,有死於長江客輪的落水者……

對於生者,死亡是最大的隱喻。而在此國,死亡殘缺,冤魂擁擠,都是潦潦草草的生涯──誰能確信自己不是下一個受害者?

 

在官方字典裏,草民從來是服從的代名詞,一有風吹草動,必定斬草除根。生為徭役,死為草蓆,草民不過是官家的易耗品。

對大多數人來說,在極為被動地經歷了一生的操勞之後,他們所求的不是解脫,不是抗爭,而是楠木棺材的哀榮;燒紙──這個纏繞著孝道的動作,遂成為國人表達哀思的簡單選項。

而這些冥幣,全都是比通脹更大的面額。印上毛魔頭,你就燒的更旺一些吧。我們不斷燒著紙錢,來確定死者已徹底死去。

 

我們發明一個祭日,清明卻開始慶祝自己的生日。

橫亙在遺忘和健忘的河流上,除了活著,我們無事可做。

 

2015.4.4上午,南磨房

2015.5.6下午,5.7上午,午後,四惠東

2015.5.9上午,陰天,南磨房

2015.5.10深夜,雨歇,南磨房

2015.6.2下午,四惠東


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